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Keep Lawrence Weird

July 30th, 2010
Grandpa Simpson

This morning I had one of my weirdest Lawrence experiences ever. I was having coffee at Z’s chatting with Dave and a friend, and out of nowhere, this elderly gentleman comes up and hands each of us one of the little free KU football schedules that pretty much every business in Lawrence hands out this time of year. The guy then hands us a couple copies of this xeroxed, hand-written screed and says we should read it, and then kind of shuffles away.

This was bizarre enough on its own. I actually kept the sheet to read, hoping I would get to enjoy a good rant about the gold standard, Lyndon LaRouche, and how fluoride in our water supply will cause all our precious bodily fluids to become poisoned, making it easier for the Communists and illegal immigrants to take over.

I mean, it’s not every day you get someone to care enough to write out a manifesto in longhand, old-school style.

Alas, I was disappointed. The sheet, which is reproduced below in all its glory, appears to be a random series of words, strung together in a manner that suggests grammar and sentences, but without actually meaning anything. I’m not kidding…seriously, try to read the text below and make any sense of it.

I'm not sure what this says

I'm not sure what this says

Maybe it is a secret code, perhaps pointing the way to Leonardo Da Vinci’s fabled lost invention. You tell me!

Anyway, as Homer Simpson would say, “I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.”

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  1. Tim Williams
    July 30th, 2010 at 14:55 | #1

    I think my favorite part is where he decided “deference” was the better word choice than “difference.”

  2. Matthew
    July 30th, 2010 at 15:01 | #2

    What did the person look and act like? Were they clean? Spoke in complete sentences? This writing is so utterly nonsensical that it either has to be on purpose, or the person has some sort of brain injury (like a stroke) to the area of the brain we use to formulate thought on paper.

    Truly chaotic, bizarre text

  3. July 30th, 2010 at 15:40 | #3

    This fellow is reaching out to people in what may well be the only way he can. The writing is disordered. Unless this is a new kind of poetry, this piece of paper is a symptom of an illness. Let’s not ridicule that.

  4. July 30th, 2010 at 17:09 | #4

    Meep. Yeah: keep Lawrence weird. Nice recounting. 😉

  5. August 3rd, 2010 at 14:48 | #5

    The ‘letter’ reads like someone’s creatively arranged refrigerator magnets. At least one part is lunacy you can picture: “…an applaud of physical might…”

    Please forward the newsletter when it arrives. 😀

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